


Spiky Lesbians - A Falsettos story

by Raspberries_Heartbeat



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Bickering, Cordelia is a shit cook, Cordelia-centric, Domestic Fluff, F/F, First try at a Falsettos fic, Fluff, Jason cant play baseball, Lighthearted and Funny, M/M, Marvin likes to whine, No Angst, Nobody Dies, Whizzer is a sassy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raspberries_Heartbeat/pseuds/Raspberries_Heartbeat
Summary: The events from the start of Act 2 until shortly after the Baseball game, told from the point of view of everybody's beloved caterer Cordelia!





	Spiky Lesbians - A Falsettos story

It was a beautiful day in New York City. Every day in her life was quite indeed beautiful, Cordelia mused on this Monday afternoon. Her lover Charlotte would be back soon from her shift in the hospital. Where she saved lives; cured illnesses Cordelia couldn’t even quite pronounce the name of; was a female internist in a world in which the oppressive nature of patriarchal superiority was not only questioned, but actively rebelled against. Indeed, Charlotte was involved in a revolution. Cordelia was involved with Mazo Ball soup. Each of their own, she supposed. Further, even though she in person did not much to alter the world (a desire, which she had rather scarcely given the thought until she met Charlotte), the sheer fact that she was living in a romantic relationship with another woman (a wealthy, intelligent, gentle woman) proved that the spirit of the age, the spirit of a new sense of freedom was not completely lost on her. She wasn’t jealous. Charlotte was insanely good at her job, she herself did her best. In being a bar mitzvah caterer. Without being Jewish. With questionable culinary abilities. It felt like a good idea at the time. Alright, maybe she was a teeny-tiny little bit jealous. Or maybe it was just the fumes of the gigantic pot of soup on the stove, making her dizzy and delusional. She was new to the business (or the whole _cooking_ thing in general), so it would take some time to establish herself in the world of catering, that was all. Besides from cooking, she had other charming abilities. A dashing smile. A good sense of fashion. Interior design. Being passionate and clueless at the same time. Loving her significant other unconditionally. The last one was probably the most important, although not really helpful when setting up a catering business. The petite blonde sighed, stirred some salt - or had that been sugar? How come that the saltiest and sweetest things looked so alike? And weren’t they the most perfect if they completed each other- like a hint of sweetness in a hearty tomato soup, or a pinch of salt in a caramel toffee? She immediately had to think of her relationship with Charlotte and smiled- in the big pot where the newest addition to her ever-growing list of possible Jewish foods to cater bubbled. While she stirred and the mixture steamed, she thought about a sudden change of perspective. In how very misplaced her first flash of jealousy really had been- after all, wasn’t she an up and rising female entrepreneur? Once she catered her fist bar mitzvah, she was absolutely sure that she would dominate the market in no time. Unbreakable optimism- probably her loveliest trait. She might have spaced out a little, thinking about the skiing trip she and Charlotte made in the winter (neither of them knew how to sky, that never occurred as an issue, though) and the wine she bought to accompany the, hold on, was there something _burning_? She looked down, thought to her relief it wasn’t the soup, but discovered it was the pan right behind it; with today’s dinner, which, upon closer inspection, would need a lot of wine to cover up the smoky-burned taste. That wasn’t much of a hassle, until she discovered that somehow the curtains were aflame, too. She wasn’t so much distressed as annoyed, it was the third time this week and she was running out of replacement-curtains. After killing the flames and scooping the disastrous stir-fry in the trash bin (well, they would just need to eat Mazo Ball soup. With a lot of wine), Cordelia decently opened a window to let the smoke out. Her gaze fell upon the man standing in the doorway of the house right next to theirs, who was currently wrestling with a key and a large moving box. Her eyes light up. A new neighbor! A possible new friend! A…. possible Jew in dire need of bar mitzvah catering! Excited by all the opportunities this move-in entailed, she carefully turned off the stove (one accident was enough for now) and browsed her cook-book for a recipe of cookies. They would present the perfect gift to demonstrate the openness and welcoming warmth of the neighborhood; as well as her extraordinary talent in cooking! In case, they didn’t burn.

They did burn. Only a little, though. Charlotte, liking the idea of welcoming the new neighbor while dutifully spooning the soup with an unreadable expression on her face, assured her it would be fine. They took a bottle of wine along, for good measure. This is how they found their selves listening to the entire life story of Marvin, their new neighbor. It started off rather dry, this Marvin fellow did take some time to open up, and while he and Charlotte were engaged in small talk about Marvin’s awfully boring-sounding job behind some desk, Cordelia inspected the living room. Her eyes were glued to the questionable array of dick paintings (her hope for bar mitzvah catering was slightly smothered), to some photographs; one of a young, good-looking man, tucked behind a flower pot to be hidden from plain sight but visible enough to still be seen (an ex-partner, perhaps?) and a large one of a young boy (maybe there as hope for the business). There was a faint paleness on his right ring-finger, suggesting a recent, but definitely passed marriage. Charlotte always praised her for being very attentive to details, so she smiled into her glass of wine, when Marvin began to talk about his ex-wife and ex-boyfriend.

“So now, I’m basically left with shared custody for a son who low-key hates me for being gay and leaving his mom; while the guy for whom I left said mom is no longer my boyfriend; so you could say I’m pretty good in fucking things up”

“Sounds like you could use a psychiatrist”, Charlotte suggested sympathically.

“My ex-wife’s married to my psychiatrist”

“Oh”

“It was love at the first sight during all the endless therapy session because of me,” he snorted sarcastically.  After a minute of awkward silence, he sighed.

“Sorry for being such a downer. It’s nice to talk somebody new, though. Thanks for stopping by. And thanks for those …. delicious looking treats” He reached for one of the burned cookies, took a tentative bite, was about to scrunch up his face when Charlotte interjected “They’re really yummy, aren’t they?” in a tone that left zero chances for arguments. Marvin fought a pained smile on his face “I surely love home-cooked stuff; reminds me of the way Whizzer passive-aggressively refused to make dinner” He decently gulped down half off his wine-glass, to wash the burned taste from his tongue.

“My Cordelia here just recently started in the culinary business” Charlotte stated, with the proud smile that never failed to make Cordelia feel like she was the best cook on the whole planet (while, objectively, she probably wasn’t even the best cook in the room).

“I have a bar mitzvah catering service”, she added cheerily.

“Really? My god, that’s perfect! My son’s bar mitzvah is just around the corner.”

“No way!” She giggled, suddenly feeling very giddy with the prospect of having her very first customer, who (safe for the feeling sorry for himself) seemed like a really good guy!

“It would be awesome if you could, you know, cater for us, would you? If your schedule isn’t too busy? My ex-wife is totally hysteric about the preparations; she’s driving me _insane_ ”

 Cordelia overplayed her surprise (it felt good to be treated like a respectable business-woman!) with a sweet smile and a cheeky “You’re lucky, I’m free”

For the first time the whole evening, this Marvin gave them a genuine smile, a smile that made him seem much younger despite the dark bags under his eyes and the worry lines creasing his forehead. Cordelia instantly decided that she liked this smile very much, and made a mental note in trying to get her new neighbor and friend to smile like that more often. Maybe they could set him up on a date. Poor sod seemed lonely.

 

They chatted until late in the evening, and when she and Charlotte laid in bed together, Cordelia was still giddy from the positive turn they day had taken. She spent the next couple of days with trying out new recipies and boarded her repertoire massively (Charlotte said she was also improving the old dishes, though her voice sounded a bit strained while doing so). Sometimes, Marvin would stop by to have a chat and try some of the food (okay, mostly chatting, about Marvin’s preferred topic, his ex-boyfriend); and stayed until Charlotte came from her shift. Suddenly, they found themselves sharing dinner almost every day; it was wonderful how easy and quick this new friendship came along.

Two weeks after Marvin moved in, they met Jason for the first time. He was spending the weekend with his dad, and thus, with them. Cordelia found he had surely something of Marvin’s brooding nature, but he obediently ate her food, so she wasn’t one to object. The weekend was spent mainly with playing chess (Charlotte finally found a worthy opponent in the 12 1/2-year old boy) and gossiping about this and that. It almost felt like they were a little family, and, Cordelia thought idly while she stuffed today’s dinner creation in the oven, she could get used to that. She actually found herself looking forward to these weekends where Jason’s mum brought him over. Once she realized Jason's little character quirks (that child had some issues, but somehow suggesting a therapy didn’t seem very appropriate considering the circumstances), he was actually a sweet kid.  The mom, though. She never had gotten a chance to talk to her, though she basically knew half of her secrets (Marvin _really_ loved to gossip and bicker).  

 

The first time they finally had gotten the chance to get to know her, she and Marvin were in the middle of tearing each other apart over the bar mitzvah plans. She and Charlotte shared a look, but wisely decided to not intervene, but announce their presence rather loudly with: “It’s the spiky lesbians from next door!” They had always thought Marvin’s primary problem with relationships was that he wished for everything he currently didn’t have - like a wife when he had a boyfriend, and a boyfriend when he had a wife – and generally tried too _hard_ to stuff people into molds. Having finally met another part of the equation, Cordelia was assured in her notion that pressuring a family into being perfect, and happy, and normal, did achieve none of these things. Also, Trina was frankly hysteric.

“They really take bar mitzvah seriously” Charlotte murmured in her ear, while they watched the two adults loose their shit over the prospect of table decorations.

“They also take themselves pretty seriously, although they’re acting ridiculous”

Her lover gave a soft giggle and pecked her on the lips sweetly, before she excused herself to play a round of chess with the ignored Jason; Cordelia tried to have some small talk with Mendel, the ex-psychiatrist and current husband. He was totally gone on Trina, it was plainly obvious, but also probably rather shit at his job, considering how very inattentive and very un-empathetic he seemed to interject himself in the argument of the ex-partners.

“Cordelia can cater, she has a good-running service!” Startled to suddenly be thrown into the conversation, Cordelia put on a smile and hoped sincerely the topic would go over smoothly. She also, politely didn’t correct Marvin in the fact that _technically_ her catering service wasn’t running at all.

Trina fixed her with a gaze that screamed of exhaustion and nervous energy, before she replied, with the fakest of all the fake friendly tones “How wonderful, I’m glad we could make this decision _together_ -“

Cordelia rolled her eyes, and took the matters at hand. “Who wants a pickle sandwich?” (Rhetorical question. Nobody did) Four minutes later, everybody had a pickle sandwich. They didn’t argue with their mouth full, so the blonde decided to convince the distressed woman from her abilities. She really wanted to feel sorry for her, but it was difficult to feel sorry for a person who fabricated a lot of her problems herself. To be fair, the other problems were fabricated by the males around her. It was a toxic situation, there was a tension between the three of them, like everyone would like to share something, or speak out some things that needed to be said, just to make everybody involved happier (Mendel, she realized, must be _really_ bad at his job if he didn’t figure that one out) But still. Cordelia couldn’t even think about being married, or being together with a person she didn’t love with all her heart, and who didn’t respect her as more than an ‘other’ to the male self. She was once again grateful for her partner, for the wonderful relationship they shared. She glanced sideways at Charlotte and blew her a kiss when the other woman caught her eye. Charlotte’s whole face light up beautifully, before she mouthed ‘I love you, dear’. Cordelia giggled, her heart fluttering in her chest in a happy rhythm, and a warmth spreading from it all over her body. Being in love, after knowing each other so well. Being in love, after all the little arguments and moments they just didn’t get each other. Being in love, always. Cordelia felt like she was the happiest woman in the world (She surely was the happiest woman in the room, considering Charlotte just lost the game of chess).

 

Two days after the ‘bar mitzvah incident’ (as they decided to call it while lying tangled between the sheets), they tried to set up Marvin for a date. This Whizzer guy was nowhere in sight, and the more often he forced himself to meet Trina because of the planning, the more gloomy and grumpy Marvin became.

“That’s enough. Stop being so sorry for yourself. It’s _annoying_ ” Charlotte startled both Cordelia and Marvin with her sudden outburst. It was Friday. They were having spaghetti with meatballs. Marvin had been whining all evening. Charlotte, apparently, was sporting a massive headache.

Marvin opened his mouth to protest, but Charlotte didn’t even let him start. “You go on a date tomorrow”

“Excuse me?!”

“You. Date. Outside. Happy. Getting laid”

 “I’m missing a crucial part for this whole date thing to be a success”

 The doctor’s lip quirked up at the left corner, indicating she had a fool-proof-plan thought out. “There’s a new male nurse at the hospital. He’s cute”

 “He’s not Whizzer”

“Well, Whizzer’s currently not _here_ ; Steve’ll do”

“But-“

“You’re leaving at 8pm, he’s picking you up” And just like that, the conversation was over.

Cordelia spend the whole Saturday fretting over Marvin, as he clearly hadn’t been on a date for a fucking decade, and clearly missed the concept of charming another person who was _not_ Whizzer. They spend the evening quietly cuddled on the couch; Charlotte with a book about neuroscience and Cordelia with the newest fashion magazine. The doctor idly petted her partner’s hair, while she turned the pages slowly.

“Darling?”

“Hm?”

“How do you think he’s doing?” She toyed with the cuff of her lover’s blouse. She knew it was realistically stupid to worry over such a little thing as a date. People did go on dates every day. But something about Marvin was so awkward.

“If he managed to find the charm which he prouds himself in having, I’m sure he’ll be fine” It was quiet for some minutes. “

Stop worrying”

“…I didn’t say anything”

“I can _hear_ you thinking” Cordelia scrunched up her nose in the way she knew melted her lover’s heart. As predicted, Charlotte put her book down. “

Stop looking so cute”

“I’m not cute!” Cordelia protested. “I was trying to frown!”

 “You look adorable while trying, muffin” Charlotte cooed, while peppering the blonde’s face with light kisses. Cordelia grinned a little, though she tried to stay serious. “Lighten up, you. He’s a grown up man. If he fucks up and continues sulking, he has to eat in the garden”

“Reminds me of a dog I had once” the cook added thoughtfully, cuddling herself closer to the protective warmth of her lover’s body.

“I remember that dog” Charlotte added thoughtfully. “You brought him along on our first date” Cordelia giggled, remembering. “I found no one to take care of him. I’m still sorry he bit you”

“Hated that dog”

“You found a liking in me, though” She pulled her lover down, kissing her lips sweetly. She felt the doctor’s lips quirk against hers in a smile.

 

Turns out, Marvin didn’t find his charm. Turns out, only speaking about your ex-partners the whole evening didn’t lead to getting laid. Turns out, Marvin was seemingly romantically disabled when it came to any other human being than his beloved Whizzer. He did eat in the garden, once. After that, he sulked less frequently, but not less vehemently.

 

The first time the infamous Whizzer made an appearance, they were at one of Jason’s Little League Baseball game. They were patriotic women. Thus, they loved baseball. The thing happening on the pitch, had only remote resemblance of that wonderful sport. They tried. They tried hard. But Cordelia felt herself getting more irritated the more balls these INCAPABLE IDIOTS missed. Not to mention Charlotte, one missed hit away from going down and hitting the damn thing herself.

The fact that Trina and Mendel joined them, hysterical as usual, and Marvin was there, being annoyed by his ex-wife and with baseball in general didn’t help matters. Even Jason couldn’t light up the mood, because he apparently also was incapable of swinging the bat correctly. Charlotte mumbled something about lessons in their back-garden the next time the boy was over.

Marvin was whining off their ears again, when he stopped mid-sentence and stared intensely at a figure coming towards them. Cordelia recognized him from the photo hidden behind the plant pot. “What is he doing here?” Marvin and Trina asked simultaneously.

The figure came to a halt next to their seats, looking young and adventurous with his hair wall and the worn leather jacket. Cordelia could see where Marvin was going with his fixation. This Whizzer was a looker, for sure.

“Jason asked me to come, so I came” the figure sneered, with an arrogant air around himself. A looker, yeah, but not a charmer. Trina started to complain and Cordelia considering shoving her off the tribune. Marvin was apparently shocked speechless. Jason recognized his friend and started waving enthusiastically, totally missing the next hit. Charlotte face-palmed and almost screamed. Whizzer waved back.

“I love baseball. I love Jason. That’s what I’m doing here” Cordelia tried to not be sneaky, and pretended to be really engaged in the game, but she didn’t miss the opportunity to give Marvin a friendly, but persistent slap in the ribs.

Apparently, that got his brain to work again. “You look sweeter than a doughnut” Apparently, the charm didn’t even apply to Whizzer anymore.

The air was suddenly charged with a new kind of tension, clearly there was more behind the snarky comments the ex-boyfriends casually threw at each other. Something… more. It was almost like a game, like they were battling their wits, all the while they were just eager to get the approval of the other. It was a game; but the stakes were not trivial.

After Whizzer had taught Jason how to baseball (apparently, the Little League training was a waste of money these days), and Jason actually managed to hit the ball, Marvin gathered his courage (Cordelia was proud!) and asked his ex-boyfriend out again. And he said yes. Anything was possible if Jason could hit the ball.

 

Only two weeks later, Whizzer became a welcome guest in their kitchen (aka the place where Marvin came whenever he felt hungry). Cordelia liked his sarcastic sense of humor (it reminded her of Charlotte’s quick wit), and Charlotte appreciated his no-nonsense-attitude. Both of them saw how good his presence was for Marvin. The bickering with them reduced to a minimum, while he and Whizzer were in a state of constant passive-aggressive annoyance all the time. It was not a negative annoyance, though. More like an old couple, arguing for the thrill of it, for the competition behind it. Marvin had made mistakes (Whizzer told Cordelia everything, while flipping through the pages of the latest issue of Cordelia’s favorite fashion magazine); Marvin tried to pressure everyone in a role they clearly didn’t belong, Marvin tried to stuff puzzle pieces together that clearly didn’t fit. But, that Whizzer admitted, while hiding a small smile, he seemed better now. Humbled. Happier. At ease with himself, at ease with the lack of ‘normalcy’ in his life.

How he had been? At this question, the young man shrugged, face carefully indifferent. “I’ve come around” he said cryptically, before changing the topic: “God, have you seen the pattern this season? What is _wrong_ with people?”

It wasn’t hard to guess that there was more behind his statement than he let on, but the petite cook was never one to pressure people into talking (save Charlotte, when she was once again brooding on her own about something which occupied her mind). Maybe someday, Whizzer would be comfortable enough to open himself up. Until then, she was totally fine with looking at fashion magazines, playing cards, making puzzles (an argument-fueling task), and cooking all of her curious creations for them. In all their quirks and eccentrics, they really became a weird family. The thought filled her with a deep happiness and she smiled, until she remembered that there was a roast burning in the oven.

 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Done as a birthday present for a lovely friend. I wrote it like a week after listening to the musical, so I'M sorry if any of the characters aren't portraied correctly or some headcanons are missing.
> 
> Comments and Kudos and Bookmarks are very much appreciated.
> 
> \---  
> Sidenote: My Sherlock fictions aren't on hiatus, this month has just been too busy! Will try to take up my schedule again. Thanks for the patience.


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